Burlesque (**1/2)

There’s nothing especially wrong with the musical, which represents the film debut of singer Christina Aguilera and the first musical (and first film in seven years) for Cher. But there’s nothing especially good with it either. Aguilera plays Ali, a spunky waitress from Iowa who hightails it out of there to make it in the big city (Los Angeles). With no plan and little money, she insists her way into a job at a club run by motherly but spunky Tess (Cher). She’s befriended by the bartender (Cam Gigandet), who tells her they’re “practically neighbors,” since he’s from Kentucky. Now only in the mind of a Hollywood screenwriter, or someone who’s never left the coasts, are an Iowan and a Kentuckian neighbors. Apparently also Hollywood’s version of Iowa had no singing jobs, but somehow the inexperienced Ali can belt it out like…Christina Aguilera, if only they’d let her on stage. (The real Christina, of course, spent her teen years developing her voice with professionals.)

For my taste, Aguilera has for the most part been more impressive than listenable, but her vocal histrionics are just the thing for the movie’s show-stopping numbers. Much of what she’s doing here isn’t too different from the throwback numbers on her 2006 album Back to Basics. It’s all loud and brassy, but more traditional in the beginning and edging toward techno-pop in the second half. Cher’s two numbers are the only ones I think I’d remember if I heard again. The opening title track, in which she also dances, is a pretty good show tune. Her other song is a Diane Warren power ballad that sounds a lot like other Diane Warren power ballads (“Because You Loved Me,” “How Do I Live,” “Un-break My Heart”). Various pop tunes (everything from Madonna’s “Ray of Light” to Boston’s “More Than a Feeling”) round out the soundtrack, so there’s something for everyone, more or less.

In the non-musical scenes, Aguilera projects the sort of pleasant vacuousness of Jessica Alba, but then, she wasn’t chosen for her acting skills. Cher is still a good actress, even if half of her lines are some variation on, No, I won’t sell this club. Tess is broke, but somehow you know she won’t sell the club, and Ali will save it. The one surprise in the movie is how. Always reliable Stanley Tucci plays a variation of his Devil Wears Prada character, Tess’s faithful and skillful assistant and would-be husband, if only he were straight. Kristin Bell plays the nemesis whose dislike for Ali comes entirely from Ali having made a joke at her expense early in the film.

For a film set in the world of Burlesque, there’s less fancy choreography than you’d think, and less sex too. You can watch with your pre-teen with only occasional, mild embarrassment, and even then it will probably involve the scenes with Ali’s eventual boyfriend. So, all in all, this is a bland affair that serves up a lot of clichés, but it’s not without entertainment value (and eye candy for both sexes). This is no Chicago, and it’s even a notch below Nine, but it will please fans of Aguilera and maybe even fans of musicals. Skeptics of either should look elsewhere.

IMDb link

viewed 11/17/10 at Ritz East [PFS screening] and reviewed 11/18–12/6/10